Humor

To the Guy in the Back Row of the Theatre Who Is So Over Strong Female Leads

Because the last 100 years of male-dominated cinema wasn’t enough for you?

Do you think I don’t see you? I have a great view from up here on the big screen and since I’m the hero in this movie, I’m not going to apologize that those 100 years of cinema — where the men did all the fighting, fucking, and winning — weren’t enough for you.

Let’s be honest, apart from jumping down there and using my kung fu skills to beat your ass, if we were to make things fair, then nearly every movie for the next 100 years would have a female lead and the men would be fawning, frankly useless characters, wearing only a bikini, who just wanna get fucked, saved, or married.

And that’s right, I will be fighting men, maybe even killing them in this movie. What’s that? Sounds frightening? Well, yes, it is fucking frightening to see the opposite sex kill your own in just about every drama. Now imagine knowing that it’s also true in real life! Why do you think I have a sword at my hip and a bow and arrow on my back?

You’re worried that putting all this violence against men in movies might make it a self-fulfilling prophecy? Hmm, interesting hypothesis. It’s something we should…